Welcome to My Brain

I recently realized something interesting. The past twelve months have been rough for a variety of reasons, and it’s left me constantly checking bank accounts and investments, witnessing the eternal tug-of-war between profit and loss. The mantra of the day has been “where are my accounts at?” Did I make twelve cents in interest? At least it’s going in the right direction.

The stress of it all leads to never-ending hypothetical situations that might happen down the road one day. Because they’re stress-induced they’re almost always negative or stressful. I’m constantly reminded of Seneca’s quote “We suffer more in imagination than reality.” I think of this, yet I continue to cause myself more suffering.

But in the past two weeks I’ve begun building again, flexing creative muscles, and focusing on making new things. I started this blog. I began designing and building an app. I sit every morning after pushups and meditation and write down 10 ideas in a notebook. I started a new company and I have no idea what I’m going to do with it yet. I’m starting new tabs in my phone’s Notes app to jot ideas and interesting phrases down. I’m thinking of getting a tattoo.

What I’ve realized is that it’s all very freeing.

The cynical person might declare that this freedom doesn’t fix financial issues. The pragmatist might point out the tug-of-war is going on still and I’m not paying attention to it. But my heart has been free the past two weeks and I haven’t even logged into my bank account. In my heart of hearts I know that I will create something that will obliterate that tug-of-war. I know not which idea scribbled in my notebook or blog post or digital tool I’ve formed from nothingness will be the one that catches fire, but something will.

The creative well has been tapped.